Fireworks

People in Cincinnati believe that fireworks should be set off from the middle of June to the middle of July.  This is not to celebrate the independence of America from the British, it is to celebrate the fact that they suck.

"Boom, I suck!" cry out their fireworks, well past the point anyone with any sense would enjoy them.

I think they all pile in their cars and head to Tennessee for the fireworks.  There are any number of places to get fireworks now that do not involve a trip to Tennessee, but Cincinnatians still head there because it is tradition.  They also use the opportunity to go to a state with relaxed laws regarding marriage. 

For weeks, I-75 is filled with sucky Cincinnatians driving their suck mobiles in the south bound passing lane at 63 MPH.  They get to Tennessee, eat lunch at Bob Evans, Applebees, or Fridays and then block traffic north for four hours as the separation anxiety from leaving their sucky city begins causing pains in their sucky souls.

Then, they get home and start setting off their fireworks.  They bought too many, so the setting off goes on for about a month.  They take frequent breaks from setting off the fireworks, pausing to sit around and suck for a while, and occasionally to watch videotape of the 1987 labor day fireworks, when their friend was captured on TV, pumping his fists in the air, sticking out his tongue and yelling "Whooo!" while standing behind Norma Rashid.

"WHOOO!  BOOM! I SUCK!!!! WHOOOOOO!"